There are certain “mad skills” I find I have acquired only now that I have become a mum. One of them occurred to me just now as I am sat feeding the baby at 3 am (hey, as if that isn’t weird enough..) so I thought I’d make a list of some of them. Have a feeling some of you may relate to this!
1) superhuman diagnostic skills:
Examples – lift up baby’s arm to see if it is floppy after a feed. Know that If it’s floppy you can risk putting her back to bed. Know exactly when a cry = she’s tired/hungry/gassy/just being a pain in the ass…
2) walk of peril:
Example – be acutely aware where every creaky floorboard is in the house and being able to navigate them “mission impossible” style, even after many glasses of wine.
3) lightening reflex grab:
Examples – catch a dummy/chew toy/plastic spoon mid air before it hits the ground whilst holding a baby at the same time without having to look at it. Grab toddler before they launch themselves into oncoming traffic/down the stairs/head first into a doorframe whilst maintaining a phone call at the same time.
4) supersonic hearing
Example – mid conversation with old friend suddenly stop, hold hand up and without a word disappear up 3 flights of stairs because the baby squeaked and you need to prevent escalation.
5) inhuman ability to survive for months without sleep
Example – no explanation needed
6) resistance to all pain
Examples – include hair pulling, razor sharp nails gripping skin of neck, hardest skulls known to man whacking cheekbones, childbirth…
7) X-ray vision
Example – spotting your child in the midst of a group of 100 crazy toddlers in the giant climbing frame just as he is about to throw themselves headfirst off a ridiculously high slide.
And many more…
I have heard the expression “Super Mum” but didn’t realise this is what they meant. Have you learnt any mad skills since becoming a parent?