This week I had to travel for the first time for work reasons. I went to Zurich for 2 days which is a beautiful city and it was the first time I had visited it. It made me realise how much I love to travel, that ride from the airport into a new city for the first time never fails to excite me. Taking in new types of architecture, looking at shops, catching glimpses of scenery is for me one of life’s real pleasures. The conference was in a very nice place right on the lake with absolutely stunning scenery of the swiss alps in the background. Why in these places do they then stick you in a dimly lit room with no windows for an afternoon?? I kept making up excuses to use the bathroom so I could go and look out on the terrace!
Whilst I had a good time I missed Munchkin more than I thought I would. I was gone for one night but I ended up not seeing him from Sunday night when I put him to bed to Tuesday evening. I even got an earlier flight home so that I would see him before bed last night. Otherwise I wouldn’t have seen my baby until Wednesday morning! I felt like such a cliched working mum buying him a present in the toy shop at Zurich airport. “I’m sorry I left you so here’s a toy!” (Part of the conference was about teaching us not to be so hard on ourselves……..obviously, not overly effective so far).
The other consequence of my going away was that I have finally stopped nursing Munchkin myself. I had still been giving him his first-thing-in-the-morning feed myself even though I was back at work. It felt like one way to “hang on” to him for a little bit longer, to have him for myself. On a strange level I guess I felt like he would still need me if I was feeding him. I could give him something that no one else in the world could. My husband did a great job of looking after him while I was away and I can see their bond has grown stronger. I love this fact but it compounds my feeling that Munchkin is growing apart from me, he doesn’t need me as much.
Of course, I know that this is true only on a practical level and my rational head tells me that he will always need me and love me. But my wonky mummy heart is a little ouchy today because my baby is growing up and is not 100% dependent on me anymore.
Talk to me in 17 years time when he’s on his way to college…..you won’t get anywhere near me for the rivers of tears!!